


But It's Better If You Don't

by BurningUpASunJustToSayHello



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Brunch, F/M, Fluff, Hungover Chloe, Okay so this doesn't follow 1x11 at all, but Lucifer cleaning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 09:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6464536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningUpASunJustToSayHello/pseuds/BurningUpASunJustToSayHello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew the Devil did his own house work? Definitely not Chloe Decker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But It's Better If You Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Okay everyone saw the 1x11 promo right? Of course you did. Well forget everything about it because this fic throws the promo down the drain. Nothing about it is even close to the St. Lucifer promo so when ya'll decide to comment keep that in mind.

The second time Chloe awoke in Lucifer's apartment it wasn’t because of a car horn. In fact she wasn’t sure what it was. Her eyes cracked open to find a spot of sunlight shining directly on her face. Her head was pounding with the force of a speeding train and she was pretty sure she consumed enough liquor to re-hydrate the entire state of California.  A weak groan escaped her lips. Last night was a blur. After the infuriatingly high school text from Dan, the night melded together. She vaguely remembered seeing Lux’s illuminated sign and felt Lucifer pressed into her side before her memory cut out entirely.  _ Oh God, did she sleep with Lucifer?  _ Hastily Chloe patted herself down; clothes? Check, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she snuggled into Lucifer except there was no warm body to complain to. Instead of Lucifer, Chloe was met with cold leather cushions. Her eyes snapped open to find herself alone on the couch. A tight knot of disappointment curled in Chloe’s stomach. She shouldn’t even  _ be _ this upset over someone who cycled through call-girls like cupcakes. In the back of her mind, Chloe had never expected him to stay, but she couldn’t help and think it would have been nice if he had. It must be a daily routine for him, Chloe thought, with all of the one night stands trafficking through his apartment. She imagined Lucifer getting up before sunrise and shooing his latest victims out the door and frowned. To Lucifer, Chloe was probably just another body in his collection of late night guests. Chloe didn’t know why she expected to be any different.

Her eyes roved the apartment, searching for an answer to her troubled thoughts. Maybe was hidden in the pages of the books on the shelves or trapped at the bottom of one one his whiskey bottles. The sunlight, in all of its cheerfully irritating glory, coated every surface with a layer of yellow. 

After weeks of sleepless nights, Chloe felt strangely well-rested. Usually the anxieties of Palmetto and the impending divorce kept her awake clear into the early hours of the morning, but not last night. Last night she slept soundly for the first time in months. She wondered if it was the alcohol or just because she was lonely. Sleeping against Lucifer  _ had _ relaxed her after all. But maybe to her exhausted subconscious, he was just something to fill the gap.

Sighing in disappointment, Chloe pressed her cheek into the cushions. She should be leaving; it wasn’t  _ right  _ for her to hang around. Chloe knew passing out in some random guy’s apartment meant awkward encounters followed. God, it hadn’t even been a one night stand and she felt uncomfortable.  _ Or had it?  _ A voice whispered in her ear. She just drunkenly barged into his apartment like her mother did on St. Patrick’s Day and did God-knows-what.

Chloe tugged her blanket closer around her and sat up. She hadn’t remembered herself being so wrapped in it; or even if there was a blanket at all. Lucifer must have done it, she thought. Warmth caved through her system at the thought of Lucifer expressing such a gentle concern. Despite herself, a smile curled around her lips in the late morning air. Chloe let the feeling drape over her for a few moments longer before shaking her head. What was she doing; this was  _ Lucifer.  _ He probably was just doing it to get in her pants. Irritated with herself, Chloe pushed herself off of the couch. A wave of nausea swept through her system and for a moment Chloe thought she might ruin his polished floors. The room tilted and teetered, laughing at her hungover state. Her headache was pushing the boundaries of a migraine. Pain thundered through her skull and she took a step.

Should she hang around? This wasn’t exactly something she did often. Unlike a certain club owner, she had enough dignity and self respect to avoid random hookups. After this she may have just sunk to his level, she thought bitterly to herself as another wave of nausea washed over her.

Lost in thought, she wandered over to the balcony doors, the blanket hanging loosely around her shoulders. If he wasn’t here, where could he be; off gossiping to Maze like a forty-something suburban mom from hell? Or maybe lurking around the corner, making sure she let herself out? 

Chloe’s ears zeroed in as they caught a trace of Lucifer’s distant voice. It echoed from one of the nearby hallways, inviting her in. So maybe a little bit of both, she thought. Chloe couldn’t make out what he was saying and moved in the direction of the sound. It was muffled even in the doorway; or maybe it was just the hangover. The polished marble was cold against her feet; surprised, Chloe glanced down. Where did her shoes go? She wasn’t even certain that she’d come up to the penthouse fully dressed. Chloe certainly hoped she had. She concluded Lucifer  _ must _ have done it, but it was more of the  _ why  _ he did it that worried her. 

Chloe took a step through the door frame into darkness. Despite the warmth of the front room, the rest of the penthouse hadn’t seemed to have gotten the memo.The apartment was uninviting and the dark hallway was foreboding. The stone walls sneered at her with blatant hatred. Chloe didn’t know how Lucifer lived like this, the whole place was like a museum. She felt like if she touched something, the whole place would crumble down with it. And it was  _ cold.  _ Everything about it was chilling; from the walls, to the floors, and even the lights. The mere shade of them made her feel like she was living in a cave. Chloe shivered and tugged her blanket closer. At least now that she was doused in the shadows the pain in her skull was dulling.

She even went as far as to poke her head in one of the rooms to see if they were the same. The room, to her surprise, was a well-kept study. The walls were lined with books framed in with warm wood. Even the desk, strewn with important looking papers, seemed homey. The room looked  _ lived  _ in. It didn’t look like it had a statement to make or a reputation to uphold. It was a different kind of lived in than the living room too. Where the living room was overbearing, the study was tame. This was Chloe’s first peek into who Lucifer really was. 

Not wanting to trespass any longer, she continued her search for the club owner. Now that she was closer, Chloe could decipher that Lucifer wasn’t talking at all; he was _singing._ That wasn’t what threw her off; she could understand if he was singing jazz or something showy, but this was classic rock. The hazy memories of LA in the 80’s filled her head as she tried to recall the band. Warrant, her mind settled on. Even if she’d been on the tail end of the decade, Chloe had her share of the rock and roll influence.

Rolling her eyes, Chloe imagined the prim and proper Lucifer Morningstar attempt an air guitar. On the surface she couldn’t fathom him being a fan of anything other than the silky songs that circulated throughout Lux. Snorting, Chloe prepared herself for the hilarious scene lurking at the end of the hall.

Lucifer’s singing was getting louder as she padded down the rest of the hall. When she finally reached a brightly lit room, she stopped just short of the door frame. Quiet as a mouse, Chloe glanced into the room.

Peering around the brick, Chloe could see Lucifer’s back was to her. In place of his creased black slacks were looser gray ones. Her eyes trailed up his form to find a shocking sight; he was wearing a tee shirt. A very faded,  _ cheap _ , tee shirt at that. Chloe couldn’t imagine him in anything else but designer clothes and after taking one look at him now, she never wanted to. The worn fabric hugged the edges of his form like an embrace, tight and fitting. Even without the magic of tailoring Lucifer was still as slim and muscled as ever. Chloe felt the blush rising on her cheeks as she thought back to the night of the Player case. She may not have looked at him  _ long  _ but she saw enough to appreciate it .

His absentminded singing grounded Chloe. She stared in wonder as he crooned another verse of the Warrant tune, flipping an omelette as he went. On second glance, omelettes weren't the only thing he was making. A pristine tea cup sat on the corner of the island and a fresh pot of coffee gurgled from its spot in the state of the art kitchen. Steaming toast and English muffins were artfully arranged on a platter next to a bowl of fresh fruit. Chloe stared starstruck. He was making more than enough food for one person and she wondered who it was for. It couldn’t be for  _ her... _ could it? Chloe shook her head to rid her of the silly thought, no it couldn’t be, Lucifer didn’t operate like that.

Said man floated around his kitchen with the fluidity of a five star chef. The music seemed to drive his motions as he twirled around to the freezer, or at least Chloe thought that’s what it was. Everything in his kitchen was shiny and new but not underused. In fact, it looked well loved. Chloe thought back to when he broke into her house to make omelettes. She would have thought Maze would cook for him, considering how motherly she always acted towards him. Chloe wondered if Maze was the only family, besides his brother, that Lucifer had left. She seemed extremely protective of him for just being a bartender. Maybe Amenadiel and Maze were related in some way. Cousin was her first guess, if any. 

She watched Lucifer as he slid through his morning motions with a dancer’s precision. He timed everything strategically. In one fluid motion, he could pour coffee and flip his omelette while still having time to chop vegetables. The sound of the knife hitting the cutting board was drowned out by his booming voice. The heavy bass beat on her temples without mercy, but Chloe was too caught up in the scene to care. On the final hit of the song he pivoted on his heel, bringing the saucepan with him. 

“ _ Don’t put the bodies in the wishing well!”  _ He finished. Chloe giggled, the motion was perfectly in time with the music. Lucifer looked up. The walls that she so often saw in his dark eyes were completely lowered. They softened when they landed on her half-hidden form. The angles of his face looked sanded down like she had seen earlier. Her eyes caught traces of a Black Sabbath logo plastered against the front of his shirt. It made him look boyish, almost showing off how young he really was. Now that Chloe thought about it, she had no clue how old Lucifer actually  _ was _ . The softness of his expressions mixed with the golden morning rays painted him in the same angelic light as the moonlight had. They ran lazy lines through his hair, revealing it be a brown instead of the previous black. This time the other-worldliness of his face was missing and in its place: innocence. 

When Lucifer’s eyes slid up to meet hers, the walls slammed up. Instantaneously the sharpness of his cheekbones filled out. The soft curls of his hair seemed to stiffen and lay flat. The sleepy smile contorted into his usual smirk and his eyes became predatory. 

“Usually my midnight guests don’t hang around for breakfast,” he drew on, dishing the omelette in the pan onto a plate. When she didn’t move, he gestured to the food. “Well?”

“Well what?” she questioned in disbelief. 

“If you’re not eating, the polite thing to do would be to tell me.” Lucifer teased. Chloe couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Tentatively she stepped inside the kitchen. Lucifer indicated to the plate and then the stool. Coffee and Tylenol appeared next to the plate as she settled onto it. Chloe downed the painkillers without a second thought. Tossing the blanket on the stool next to her, she raised her brows at him. Lucifer smirked and filled another plate and leaned his elbows on the island. 

“So is this something you do for all of your one night stands or am I just special?” She poked. He still hadn’t mentioned the night before and it was making her worried. Lucifer chuckled, pulled a muffin from the platter, and slathered it in jam. 

“Detective I’m flattered that you think so highly of me but no, it’s not a common occurrence.” 

Hesitantly, Chloe took a bite of her omelette and groaned. She had ended up eating the burnt one he made the morning he broke into her house but  _ nothing  _ compared to this. The spices had been peppered into the eggs beautifully to complement the meat inside. If Sunday morning had a taste, she decided hands down, it was this. She took another bite and then another bite. Each mouthful dissolving on her tongue faster than the last. She could almost feel Lucifer’s smug look lingering on her as she wolfed down more.

“Usually I make women moan before swooning them with my omelette-making skills. I’ll take it as a compliment nonetheless. Just wait until I win you over with my outstanding cleaning skills, Detective. I’m great on my knees,” Lucifer said smugly, winking at her over his English muffin. 

Chloe rolled her eyes at his lewd comment. “I’m not sure fucking your maid counts as cleaning, Lucifer.” She reached for a piece of toast. Lucifer had low enough standards that Chloe could imagine him sinking as low as screwing around with his maid. She wouldn’t even be surprised if the maid was male. 

“Now as wonderful as that sounds, no. I may not do a lot of things myself but I  _ do  _ do my own cleaning,” Lucifer retorted matter-of-factly.

_ “What?”  _ Chloe almost choked on her toast. She  _ did not  _ hear that right, she thought she just heard  _ Lucifer Morningstar does his own housework.  _ Damn hangover was still getting the better of her.

Lucifer gave her a confused look. “Of course I do my own work, nobody else could do it how I wanted,” he chuckled thoughtfully, “What did you think  _ Maze  _ did my cleaning? Maze with a mop; can you imagine?”

Chloe sat like a gaping fish. Surely a man who lived _this_ luxuriously certainly didn’t clean or cook. Lucifer seemed so below those things. She shook her head, trying to make sense of it all.  “Um, _yeah._ Lucifer don’t get me wrong but you’re not exactly the type to…” she trailed off. He raised his brows mockingly. 

“Do the dirty work? Oh Detective that’s not the only dirty work I delve in.” He smirked at her. He took a delicate sip of his tea before clearing his throat. “Early on I figured out Maze wasn’t any good at chores. She ruined half of the silks in my closet before I was there to stop it, a tragedy I can assure you,” he added, “Anyways, from that day forward Maze was just my bartender.” 

Chloe snorted “And your mother.”

“Sorry, what was that Detective?” 

“Nothing!” 

Lucifer gave her a knowing look and returned to his plate. Chloe made sure he had a mouthful of eggs before she pressed again. “So your idea of cleaning is laundry?” Lucifer’s face twisted when he realized what she had done. Unable to defend his dignity, Lucifer glared at her until he swallowed. 

“Laundry is  _ not  _ cleaning, Detective. If you have that mindset it’s no wonder you’re dressed like that!” He gestured at her with his fork. Chloe’s mouth fell open for the second time that morning. She snuck a look at her flannel and jeans: where they really  _ that  _ hideous? Sure they were a little wrinkled from the night before, but  _ honestly. _ “And before you jump to any more rude accusations, I do all of the required housework from the ceilings down to the marble floors. Like I said, I couldn’t find anyone to clean the place like I wanted. A few damaged priceless books later, I just sucked it up and said fuck it,  _ I’ll  _ do it,” He spread his arms out, “And here we are.”

Chloe blinked slowly at the new information. “I just didn't expect you…” 

“Well you know what they say about assuming, Detective.” he retorted.  

Even though she sensed he was a neat freak, judging from the state of the apartment, Chloe still couldn't picture Lucifer elbow deep in cleaning supplies. The thought of him polishing the marble floors made her giggle. Chloe could almost hear him saying  _ “Detective, you can't bring guests home to a  _ dirty _ flat. Think of the rumors, my reputation would be ruined!” _

Okay, maybe it fit him a little  _ too _ well.

Lucifer offered her a smug smile and pushed off of the island. He whirled around with the elegance of a ballerina, towards the coffee pot and the kettle. Palming both items, Lucifer circled back to refill her mug. Chloe was still amazed by the smoothness of his movements. Lucifer commanded the space around him in a way that made it seem like the world was made for  _ him.  _ Time seemed to surrender to the liquid of the club owner’s motions. 

Chloe watched him refill his teacup before she opened her mouth to speak. A shrill tone sliced through the warm air, stealing their attention away from each other. 

Lucifer pulled his gaze away from his tea with an expectant look. The kettle shifted idly in his hands as the high pitched squeal continued.  “Well are you just going to let the atrocious thing ring or are you going to bloody answer it?” He huffed and set the kettle back in it’s previous spot. 

Chloe blinked. The ringing had fallen on deaf ears; she was completely distracted by Lucifer. Shaking her head, Chloe fumbled through her pockets, the high pitched tone driving splinters through her brain. She pinpointed her phone and ripped it from its hiding spot, hitting the button as she went.

“Detective Decker.”

Lucifer perked up with blatant interest. He stretched over the counter top, attempting to listen in on the call. “Do I hear a case brewing, Detective; what is it this time? Murder, a cartel, maybe something involving stippers?” Chloe silenced him with a wave of her hand and tried the focus her attention back on the call. God he was such an  _ eight year old.  _ She zeroed in on the operator's cool voice as she shifted the phone to her shoulder.

“ _ Pen”  _ Chloe ordered, half listening to the details of the case.

Lucifer frantically dug in his pants pockets. A sleek black ballpoint surfaced in his hand and he scrambled to pop off the cap. As she reached for it, he tugged the pen away from her. “Ah ah, tell me what the case is first.”

She shot him a dirty look and held out her hand. Lucifer teasingly pulled it further away from her. A glint sparked in his eye; that dick was  _ enjoying  _ this, she thought angrily. Mentally Chloe was calling him every other name in the book as she lunged over to the other side of the island. She snatched the pen from his grip, scribbling the information down on her arm. The words  _ murdered  _ and  _ urgent  _ rang through her ears. The faint sound of the operator's send off echoed through the receiver. 

As she hung up Lucifer's brows climbed to his hairline. He'd crossed his arms in a way a pouting child might. Throughout the whole morning he'd never mentioned the drunken night before. Maybe now he'd finally decided to tease her about it. But he stayed silent, waiting to hear about the phone call. 

Chloe didn't know if it was the hangover clouding her thoughts or what, but it wasn't like Lucifer. He would have taken it out and played around with it. Knowing him, there would probably be poke about it later. At the worst possible time, of course. Either way it made Chloe's head spin. She looked up from the address on her forearm and stared at the man before her. 

“You couldn’t  _ not  _ be an asshole for  _ one minute? _ ” 

Lucifer shrugged and gestured to her arm.  “Are you going to tell me what that awful handwriting says or are we going to discuss how loud you snore?” Chloe couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Of course  _ now  _ he brings it up.  _ Now _ he sounded like himself.

“It’s a murder, there’s no strippers, and you will never speak of last night.” she replied curtly. The sly glint in his eye returned as a smile spread across Lucifer’s lips. Chloe didn’t know what that look meant, but it couldn’t be good. Lucifer began walking towards the door, most likely to get dressed. Before he disappeared down the hall, he poked his head back in the doorway. The widest smile yet plastered on his face.

“Oh Detective, I assure you, we _will.”_ Chloe threw her phone at his head as he ran out of the room. Lucifer’s laugh echoed down the cold hallways and Chloe knew that he meant what he said.

**Author's Note:**

> So as I stated before, this didn't follow the 1x11 promo. It was originally drafted for a sequel to my other fic High For This, but when it went through editing my lovely beta and I agreed it would be better as it is now. A few short add-ins later and now we have this (fusion?) fic.


End file.
